When You Start Crying on Page Two
(October author chat details!)
Exactly zero percent of me thought I would cry while reading “a note from the author” but, umm, that happened today. Y’all? I didn’t even make it to the Introduction before getting teary and I just really didn’t see that coming.
Last night at Bible Study, Ashley asked a question about what it actually means/looks like to share the Gospel—practically, in our day-to-day lives. Many of the women in the room grew up going to church. We’ve heard the phrase “share the Gospel” two thousand times and some (‘00s youth group gals, iykyk) once memorized a few lines because 1 Peter 3:15. But she wasn’t asking for a Sunday School answer or for someone to rattle off an “elevator pitch” of the Gospel. It was more like, “Okay, so this matters. Yes. But what does it actually look like in your lived-out daily life?”
A few people offered their thoughts and, to keep myself from overthinking it, when there was a break in the conversation, I opened my mouth and said “You know… what’s coming to mind right now is a little different, but it’s that story can slip past our defenses.1 I’m thinking specifically about how when I read a novel, I’m drawn into the story. I guess if I’m reaching for a “Bible Study answer” then Revelation 12 ties in, where it says “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimonies.” But in this exact moment, I’m stuck on the power of story, and how the story of our daily lives is itself a witness.”
Fifteen hours later I read this:
I have a few Writerly Notes for myself, some things I’d change, but also: I laughed right out loud, spoke “yeah, I guess You really did plant that deep within me” to a silent room. Then I turned the page and the tears came.
“The truth is, there is much of life that I have yet to live. I suspect that as time goes on I will look back over these words and wonder at how I could have said so and so or left such and such out. But this is what I know today, these are the things that I believe to be true, and this is the story that He has given me to tell with my life.” - Even If Not
Amen. And also, thank You Jesus. I forgot that I wrote those lines, but somehow past me knew.
I love this book and there are things I would go back and say differently now. Even just on that first page. It’s the both/and, of course, and of course it’s true, because over time we keep growing & living & learning. I’ve changed and I’m still me.
It felt like a long-forgotten permission slip, like a reminder to let out the breath you’ve been holding, like an ebenezer stone that tells a true story that kept going long after writing “the end.” And it felt like laughter, like looking at an old photograph and seeing hints of what will be within what already is, an older you already tucked within the pixels (or the pages, as it were). Because last week I wrote this in an email to you…
I think that’s why I love this particular truth so much, why I stubbornly keep weaving it in everywhere and likely won’t stop until “how much longer?” is no longer: Hope will hold and will not put us to shame. God will bring us all the way home.
And, apparently, years ago I began Even If Not by saying:
We live in the tension of the Already and the Not Yet. I have been redeemed; I am being redeemed. I am made new; I am being made new. We belong to the Kingdom but for now, we are all just walking each other home.
Here in the in between…
Until “how much longer?” is no longer…
In the tension of what Already Is and What Will Be…
Hope will hold.
All the way home.
Talk about a thread running through.
I have all kinds of feelings about re-reading these pages from beginning to end, for the first time since publication, but I’m genuinely so looking forward to talking with you, hearing your thoughts and questions from EIN, and looking for the thread together during our October Author Call.
You hold the pen, our lives are the stories, and in the middle of all this mess we still choose to believe… Even if not, Lord, even if not. 💛 (from the final page, because who among us is surprised by the thread at this point)
As always, you’re welcome to simply show up and listen during the call, but I would love if you brought a question or thought to share about Even If Not. We always have a great discussion with the author, but seeing as you requested to read EIN this fall and the author is yours truly, I’m extra counting on you so it’s not just me staring at myself on a screen (big no thanks to that).
It was fun to share the behind-the-scenes of endorsements for the first time (it’s saved on the private All The Things IG account), and I’m looking forward to other book/writing questions! Send them my way via IG DM if you can’t make it to the call, and I’ll mention them live aka ask myself on your behalf. :)